An open letter to Stellan Skarsgård:
Dear Daddy Skars,
Ok, you can stop now. We get it. We totally get it. We aren’t sure how you do it — whether it’s that crisp Swedish air, you made a pact with the devil, or you’re really an alien from the planet sexymen214, but you’ve definitely secured your spot at the top of the human gene pool. Nobody is disputing that. It’s also undisputed that you are a champion fucking baby maker. I mean, damn dude - are you going for a Skarsgård football team or what? Actually, that would be pretty awesome because then they’d get all sweaty and wear those little shorts and… dammit… I digress.
The truth of the matter is, the Skarsgård fangirl community is concerned. I mean, you hooked us with Alex - absolutely NO questions there - and it was gooood. Oh yeah. It was DAMN good, and we’re still going hard and long with our numero-uno Skarsguy. Then, just as we were nice and comfortable and settled in with Askars, you threw us Gustaf. He shook us up a little bit, but it was a comforting relationship, even though it happened kind of suddenly. Totally awesome play on your part, by the way — seeing as how Gustaf’s completely different than Alex, but incredibly handsome and a mighty fine actor. There are a fuck-ton of Skars fangirls out here who are totally up to date on their Scandinavian history now, thank you very much!
But here’s the problem: Bill. Yes, Bill. Sweet, beautiful, baby faced, big-huge-blue-eyed Bill. I mean, you didn’t even give us a couple of months to get comfortable with Gustaf before you hurled that drop-dead gorgeous work of man-art at us and well, that’s just rude. You see, we fangirls get a little overly excited and… a bit unhinged… if you give us more than we can handle at one time. And honestly, we’re a wee bit apprehensive about what you’ve got planned for us next. Some of us are already feeling a little puma-like with the appearance of young Billy-boy, and we know you’ve got at least a couple more of these grade-fucking-A hotties brewing in the Skarsgård family nursery, so… could you PLEASE just go easy on us? Give us a little time to BREATHE, and take it all in - enjoy the current scenery, so to speak??
Oh who the fuck are we kidding? Tell Valter we’re ready whenever he is…
The Skarsgård Fangirl Community